shoulds

A friend e-mailed me the other day about how she realized that there were an awful lot of "shoulds" in her vocabulary, directed at herself. Lists of things she should do. That struck a pretty deep chord with me, as I seem to have a perpetually long list of them myself, never reaching bottom. Should call, should blog, should finish, should make, should find, should offer ... depressingly endless. Where's the joy or freedom in that? Things easing up a bit in the finances lately has added a whole new set of things to the list that weren't really possible for a long while.

Should blog really is *want* to blog but don't make the time. I've had bits and pieces that strike me during the day, but if I put it off it no longer seems relevant or fair, and feels belated, canned, and takes the joy out of it. It becomes an obligatory 'catching up'. I either make the time or I don't. One bit like that that I can't pass up mentioning is my lovely bout of gullability last Sunday. I take a bit of pride I suppose in thinking that I'm not very gullible, but when I snuck out to the grocery store in the afternoon (leaving the roommate to listen for Douglas if he woke up) I was 'had' quite royally. I couldn't get eggs at the farmer's market the day before, and have become rather addicted to the taste of fresh eggs that have more than a pale yellow yolk, and so picked up a dozen of the organic ones with a nice friendly sepia-toned picture of kids feeding chickens on the front. Pure marketing schtick, and I only noticed it very vaguely as I hurried to the checkout. After waiting interminably in line while the two ladies in front of me had all kinds of problems, I finally packed my groceries into my backpack and reached for the last two bags of fragile items. The bagger, a young guy in his 20's, half pointed at the eggs as he put them in a separate bag, and said offhandedly "they use child labor you know" and then handed it over. I was caught off guard, and only had a vague idea that he might be referring to the photo on the carton which I couldn't recall at that point. I said "really? I didn't know that!" and headed out the door feeling a little confused/bemused. Child labor to produce eggs? Not too likely in this country, but who knows. It wasn't till I got home and unloaded that my sneaking suspicions were confirmed ... he was totally pulling my leg and referring to the lovely nostalgic photo. Gullible? Yes! Then later that evening I bit on the idea that it was below 60 degrees in Arizona, same as here, and had to be told it was a joke. I've been had :)

Another big 'should' is taking my alone time!! We have a deal, M and I, that we each take one night a week as alone/free from responsiblity time, and it's been a life and marriage saver more than once. But I let the shoulds and the martyrdom get in the way, and end up like I am tonight, pent up, wishing I were out and about, and feeling jealous that M is. I have managed to *not* take a night for the last 3 weeks, and I'm feeling it. I preach it to pretty much anyone who will listen, and get very enthusiastic responses, but I'm not doing it myself. Easy to make excuses, which I seem a pro at. AM a pro at. I'm not as fond as M is of just wandering the town solo, and so use the excuse that none of my girlfriends are free to get together. Lame. Will do it this weekend or next week at the latest, girlfriend time or not. Sanity demands it. Doesn't help that Douglas and I were cooped up ALL day with the 5th straight day of rain, pouring most of the day, so a trip to the library wasn't all that appealing. I've been going a little e-bay crazy the last few days, and so got the bright idea that he needed more Clics pieces. He's been playing with them for weeks, and getting pretty good at building a variety of things, but was getting limited by only 30 pieces. So we ordered the 130-piece train building set, complete with smokestack, from a "buy it now" on ebay. Alas the concept that it wouldn't appear immediately in the mailbox was something he couldn't or wouldn't grasp, I'm not entirely sure which. Much wailing ensued, but he finally got the point.

We made the lemon bars today that I've been craving, and I'm already regretting it due to the toothache ... "should" visit the dentist is certainly on the list. I think I'll take most of the pan to the school fundraising committee meeting tomorrow and subject the rest of the group to a sugar rush.

I *want* to crawl into a nice warm bed at the moment, and so I shall.