Roiling Insides

I gave him a haircut on Monday (D) and he looks even older than in the b-day pics. kinda scary and sobering to me. I don't want to lose my 'baby' to another baby, and he's already disappearing. I know things will be good, and he'll be glad eventually to have a sibling, it's just hard watching the bulbs turn on in his head and the innocence start to slip away in little ways. I want him to be senstitive to others' needs, and have explained why I can't do certain things for him anymore, but then regret in a way that he's *not* dependent on me.


Wrote that a week ago and never posted ... now have roiling insides due to cafeteria scrambled eggs, or so it seems. Been battling morning sickness again the last few weeks, and I'm not amused. Probably just not eating enough, having fallen back into pre-pregnacy eating habits. Both Michael and I are trying to do the 'fit it in before baby arrives' thing, as SO many things will be harder for a good while. Free time, getting work done at home, getting out and about, etc ... all the things that currently mean life is enjoyable. I know I'll enjoy a new baby, but I've really enjoyed the last 6 months when life has been easier in many ways than the previous 5 years of marriage. Not pinching pennies so hard. Relaxing a bit. Michael working and enjoying it. I see it all, and know that it's all going to shift in 2.5 months. Not that it will be worse, but different. And I'm not sure I'm ready for different. Douglas' last day of school is 2 days before the baby's due. So I'm looking at almost instantly going from a kid away from home 4/days a week, with me spending 3 of those days in an office and one working at home on coaching, to being at home 7 days a week with 2 kids. That scares me.