(the pics are from labor day in central park)

(douglas took this one ... )

(this is a kite with about a 9 foot wingspan ... very realistic looking moth up close)

so the grambie drama continues ... and my emotions are still mixed. she was weaker than i've ever seen her while we were there, but had just come out of the hospital where she'd been for 3 days. she tired very easily, and was looking for reassurance that she'd chosen the right place to live. seemed so wrong to go to Bob Evans w/out her, and drop her off and then go sleep in her old condo.

since we were there, she's improved a lot. and now wants OUT and is calling it a prison, and is sorry she ever went in. three meals a day, constant company if she wants it, and new memore meds seem to have her in great shape ... hence the protests and unhappiness. i don't blame her, she's always been very independent, lived on her own for 25 years, and just had her car taken away as she moved, by the dr's rec, not by losing her license. feels like you have your feet cut off ... i felt a bit that way when we sold ours, and I'm healthy and have access to public trans. praying she comes to a peaceful conclusion, or moves in w/my parents. she'd have less interaction there in reality, either home alone for days or sitting at btp w/mom being bored. could work tho, will see what happens.

meantime, I got a box of pics and momentos from the big sorting that's been going on w/most of her stuff, and there are some real treasures. my dad's birth announcement, newspaper clippings of her wedding, the kids, my dad at an easter egg hunt, etc ... lots of old family photos too. a photo with both of my grandmothers in it, before either one was married ... now that's probably pretty uncommon, yes? at least anywhere but in the meeting i suppose.

fighting claustrophobia at the moment due to being home w/two kids .. tho D started school this week! tomorrow is his first full day. it's hard to go from being out 4 days a week at a job to being home 7 days a week. sure i can get out, but am tied to diaper bags, naps, etc ... and can never count on free time. i do get tuesdays off and am getting better at taking them, and pumping so i can be gone more than 2 hours. went to see Little Miss Sunshine a few weeks ago and loved it. Went out for wine/cheese with another mom last week and talked ourselves silly, which was wonderful. I still come home feeling like it was great but wasn't enough ... and sometimes pick fights with Michael afterwards. After Douglas was born and I got back into alone nights, it was good ... and then once he went to a sitter I had ME time, during the day.

I think I have to rearrange things so that I can get up in the am and get out of the house before Michael leaves for work, or I'm likely to crack soon. Michael is supportive of the idea, but will have to adjust his schedule so that he goes to bed before 3am as he's been doing regularly. I'm actually more scared at the moment as he's finally studio hunting in earnest, and I can't see how he'll ever be home if he gets one, especially if it's 45 min away like the one he called me about tonight. it seems hard as it is to keep up with bills, email, job estimates, and side jobs that he takes on ... as it is. He's always feeling behind and like he has too much to do. Something will give somewhere, and hoping that I can get more coaching clients (the one I had lined up for post-fynn just emailed today to say she'd chosen therapy for now instead of coaching.), which I enjoy, and that it will bring in some money so he can take some daytime hours to do things like paint and do side jobs, rather than being gone most evenings. With 2 kids I need more support in the evenings, so I'm not losing my temper with a crying baby and a verbal-diarrhea 4 year old. he NEVER stops talking unless he's playing trains or reading a book. The sentences are long, perfectly constructed, repetetive, and never ending. I'm told Michael was like this as a kid, perhaps it's time to consult my MIL and see how she coped!

Having D in school is good and bittersweet, he loves it so far, which I'm thankful for. His main teacher is one that is new to teaching PreK, and seems too focused on curriculum and achievement for my taste ... he's only 4! Plenty of time to cram things down their throats later, tho he IS a sponge at the moment. Weekly 'homework' and will be daily come spring ... sheesh. This is public school after all! Will see how it goes next week, and how he adjusts.