Day 6 - This is Me

This isn't from today, but recently enough to be fair. I got a mutant looking potato in my delivered-veggie box, and my dear husband took piles of pictures of it, including this one. It was my 'alone night' tonight, and I used it to go into Manhattan and meet S and C for dinner. I pigged out on extra-crispy thai duck with basil, and decided I liked (for the first time) San Pellegrino water with lime. The discussion at dinner ranged over all kinds of things from Baha'i structure/oversight compared to meeting structure/politics, envisioning books as you read them, U.S. politics and perceptions in the rest of the world, movies, books, and so on. One movie that S had asked me to see months ago was Dogville, which I had done but we'd never discussed.

"Dogville is a 2003 movie written and directed by Lars von Trier, starring Nicole Kidman, Paul Bettany, Lauren Bacall, Chloe Sevigny, Stellan Skarsgård and James Caan, among others. It is a parable that uses an extremely minimal set to tell the story of Grace (Kidman), a fugitive from mobsters, who arrives in the small town of Dogville and is provided refuge in return for physical labor." (whole plot here)

Please discuss! And we did at great length. One thing that came out of it was that when Grace comes into Dogville, she gives no details whatsoever about herself and her past, and in doing so she forfeits some of her rights and position. She deliberately leaves them to their fears and suspicions about her, and lives with the results. I'm tired enough that I can't remember too many details, but somehow felt prompted to post a picture of myself, that I don't particularly like, in reaction. Hm.

So this me. 36-almost-37 and sometimes forget and say so. Tired much of the time, and an often grumpy mom. Known for the occasional wise comment/observation, talking too much when tired, unreliable when it comes to sharing opinions. Fiercely supportive of friends ideas/decisions, to a fault. Love to read, and get lost in books and the internet equally well and thoroughly. Alternate between hyperactive productivity and rest. Need to be alone more than I am. Easily distracted, and dislike it so am hard on my kids for that very thing. Love people, family, friends, relationships, and good food and conversation. Never enough of any of those. Glenlivet 12-year makes me happy. Wine makes me expansive and then sleepy. Complements make me blush. Music makes me relax. I'm very hard on myself and my family. I eat distractedly and not often enough, though I love food. I love throwing myself into social situations where I'm out of my depth, and trying to swim. I don't make friends easily, but once you're there I don't tend to let go, even if I don't communicate much now that I have kids to wrangle. I never wanted to be a mom, meaning I didn't long for it. I love being one, but find it very very very hard, frustrating, and reasonable often rewarding. I really wouldn't change it for anything, but still to this day feel like I'm going down the slide kicking and screaming. I still think about having another, and am not sure. I love business, in that I love to comment/analyze/pick it apart. I don't like finding it, or being in it. I love patterns and analogies, and find/make them too often. I've grown to love brown and olive green, and wear red occasionally. My eyes are hazel, and my boobs sag horribly after b-feeding 2 kids, one of which I'm still trying to wean. I nag too much. I feel loved, supported, and free to pursue my dreams. I feel bound by responsibility and expectations, but not as much as I used to. I love God and don't talk to him as often as I'd like. I'm intimidated by theology and discussion thereof, and tend to rely on feelings and input from others. I'm too tired to think anymore, and have 25 minutes left to get this post up. Nice to meet you. Er, nice to introduce myself. And you?