Cedar's here!

... and I'm realizing just how much I miss having her around. She moved to NYC the same day we did, and lived in our front room for the first 3 months. She moved away a year and 2 days ago, and though we didn't meet up often, it was a serious blow to my social life. And my emotional health ... she has the ability to pry feelings out of me like no other. And I'm so good at stuffing them in and sealing them up, that it's a hard job for anyone.

I haven't had any of my usual outlets in the last year, and it's showing. Running had become a good substitute, but it's been almost a month and I'm still coughing. I think I'll start again anyway, I'm much better otherwise. But I do need to find ways to get things out. Maybe karate or something like it? I'm not a yoga person, I love the idea, but it's not what I need at the moment. I'm feeling ridiculously pent up, and need to find outlets that aren't as destructive as the current minor explosions that keep happening.

Some of it is just accepting where I'm at in life, and not fighting for more freedom from caring for my kids or being 'stuck' at home. Accepting that I no longer get 'thanks for all your hard work' from a boss, but "I want I want I want" from kids all day. The thanks are very few and far between. I did get a voluntary one from D today after making him one of these. At least as closely as I could ... he wanted one badly at the artisan's market last weekend, but I wasn't ready to cough up the $20 to get one. He was thrilled with his homemade version, and wore it to bed. And I got an unprompted thanks, which was highly enjoyed.