Been fighting god on accepting things in general ... that's been pretty obvious from my cranky posts. Holding on to what i consider the 'bare minimum' and telling him not to mess with it. (in other words and actions, but basically what I was doing).

He's removed just about every support in the last few weeks. Income, childcare, Michael's show, and so on. The one thing I "had" was running. I'm a clock-based runner, meaning I use a training watch (lovely expensive Garmin GPS one that was a gift from a friend) and track everything by it. I compete against myself, and love it. Well, it up and stopped working Sunday for absolutely no reason. I sat down with the manual last night to no avail, nothing worked. Checked the gift receipt, and the 1 year warranty expired 2 weeks ago. Website said $80 to fix it, which is a joke at this point having not even paid rent yet! Went to bed depressed and mad at God for taking that away. I can still run, sure, but the competitive joy was gone.

Ran this morning, wrestling him and in tears most of the way. Realized I HAVE to give it ALL up (not just the stuff I "preached" about in the newsletter yesterday!). ALL of it. Let him give me whatever he wants, but not assume rights to anything. No bare minimum. Whatever he gives will be more/above/beyond what I can imagine. I might lose my marathon dream, my privacy and need a boarder, have to move, leave NYC, MBV might not get a show, lose my health ... the list goes on. I can't demand any of it. I just have to accept and enjoy. I have goals, don't get me wrong, but I can't insist on them as my right. Called Garmin 20 minutes ago, just in case they could tell me something the manual couldn't. Told them I'd had it 'about a year'. (very true ...) Went through the checks and was told I'd have to send it in. As he was collecting info I said "is this a warranty repair, or a paid one?" ... "Oh, we'll just cover it for you." and went on collecting his info. Thank you God!