the countdown

M leaves on Monday morning for the beginning of the MA job ... and we have no idea how many months of it he's going to take (at least 2) maybe up to 5. I've been getting done what I can, am squeezing in a race Sunday morning, and registered for a half-marathon in early May, so I'll HAVE to find ways to get runs in by begging and swapping kid-care. I'll do it all on the treadmill if I have to but that's not good training at all really for an urban run.

The kids know, well, make that D knows and Fynn is clueless. He'll be the hardest hit in some ways, he (fynn) is SO attached to his dad. I'm knowing I'm going to miss him, but not thinking about it as much as I can help it because it won't help me deal. Trying to come up with fun things to mark the time with the boys, like treats and convincing friends to come visit. Anyone up for a trip and free place to stay in NYC?! Company will be heaven in the next few months.

The things that make me realize I'm dreading it? And perhaps resenting it tremendously? ok, not perhaps, I am resenting it. I've had 2 dreams, the 2nd one this morning, in which M has been deliberately/casually cheating on me. And not hiding it at all. In both cases I've woken up furious. I have not a shred of fear that he has or will do such a thing in terms of fidelity, but art is his other wife. There's no doubt about it. And in this case it feels like she won.

It's not just about the good pay and references and connections he'll get, it's about wanting to go, do something he really enjoys, and make a bit of a name for himself. A chance to paint every night and batch it for a few months. He'll miss us badly I know, but not in the same way. I know most of the resentment comes from how it was decided, not the decision itself. We'd talked it over and agreed it wasn't a feasible idea. Then the project leader called to get his answer, and he blurted out that he'd come for 2 months at least, until school got out. I sat there listening, stunned and hurt. I do see now that it's a very good thing, and support it wholly, but part of me is still angry I guess.

The other downer I found out last night ... every cell phone company has coverage up there except ours (t-mobile). So for now there will be no way to communicate unless he borrows a phone. Perhaps he can get a regular pots line put in, or get cable internet and use skype (there's cable tv already) ... or just get a cell phone w/a different company for the duration of the project and let his current one lie dormant. Seems the cutting off is going to be more complete than I realized, at least for the short term.

To keep myself motivated, I'm plotting what projects I can get done before he gets back ... paint/grout the bathroom, get the yard trimmed up/planted, boxes sorted, things donated or hauled away, etc ... some of them things that are much harder if there are more people in the house. I can shower at the gym for a couple days while grout dries :). And we won't talk about how often my boys are bathed. Nope, we won't. More often than my sheets are changed, but that's not saying anything at all!

Speaking of showers, I do need one.

Oh, and there's a new thing growing in my sidebar (not the ads that have been there awhile, click away, click away!) that's a list of books. I'm starting to plot and scheme on a bigger project than I've ever taken on, but this would be a whole family/whole life kind of project. The list will grow, and already has big clues in it.

Last thing, I'm going to fix the Flickr badge, I am ... I treated myself to a Pro account, finally!!, and went organizing-happy over there.