in a twist

not sure what's up, but i got all bent out of shape last night. a phone call to a friend here in the 'hood made me realize that running this week will be a huge challenge (she's not free at all, though we made cramped plans for her to drop off her jogging stroller for me to use) and I'm still hunting for a sitter for tomorrow. i have one more friend to try, and am waiting on another to respond. i could reschedule the client for a phone call later in the day, but hope not to if I can avoid it. going full tilt back into the 'real world' is a bit of a shock.

we did some flea-mkt-therapy this morning, and the boys got new-generation collapsible cups to play with while I netted a huge leather shoulder bag/purse thing that was bought in Rio, and could easily carry a one-year-old if I put it over my shoulder like a sling. why i gave in, i don't know, just silly impulse and it was cheap and nice leather. we'll see.

i feel like i'm losing all my running momentum and i hate that feeling, but can't do much about it at the moment. treadmill running at the gym is ok as a partial substitute, but really doesn't do the same thing at ALL as running free outside, at least for me.

i think the unknown is still a big part of it all. subletting during the summer, how to get around while we're there, surviving the next 7 weeks, entertaining b next weekend (not your typical houseguest), keeping the kids entertained, finding a sitter, just a pile of things I find hard when I'm not getting much downtime.

i had dreams last night in which i was in a house i didn't recognize with my parents and someone else i'm not sure who, and i got so frustrated i ran out of the house, slammed the door, ran into a field and started screaming. they eventually came out looking for me (i think my brother did?) and i ignored them till i was somewhat composed again, and then came back towards the house. i woke up feeling a bit relieved for the screaming, but not any closer to figuring things out.