Waiting

waiting for a pet to die is torture.  watching him fade.  fall.  stumble.  emaciate.  still having zest, and then suddenly it’s gone and you wonder if it’s mean to not put him down.  now.  suddenly it went from being kinder to let him die on his own, to torture.  for him, and for us.  i pray he dies tonight, to let it be over.  to stop the things i don’t even want to describe.  i want to remember him happy.  like he was just a few days ago.  wishing the vet were open this afternoon, not willing to make/pay for an emergency visit somewhere, feeling like the trip there would torture him more than the dying is. 

i want it to be over.  please.