i’m doing nablopomo over here

i’ll still post, and actually finding so far that daily writing is making me want to write more. 

still simmering a lot, but not able yet to even put my finger on why. 

d had a hysteria-induced breathing episode tonight (athsma attack?  something along those lines anyhow) that was triggered by being overtired, mockingly talking about god when i said it was time to pray, and getting disciplined for it.  have an ongoing issue with mockery with him, and been consistently dealing with it as a serious issue, which i believe it is.  ended up trying relaxation exercises, steam bath with essential oils, and then an old albuterol inhaler that i had from fynn’s breathing problems.  i honestly think the triggers to it are psychological, but don’t want to downplay the physical problems that result either.  he has an appt with his homeopath in a couple weeks, and i’m curious what will come of that. 

been doing a lot of cleaning lately, of the organizing and digging out the cracks kind.  house smells a lot better (fabulous at the moment actually as i have chicken stock simmering, D/A have soup simmering), and it’s making me hungry again.  when i can’t get my mind wrapped around something, cleaning is often therapy, and the physical organization tends to clarify my mental drawers too.  so does running, at which i’ve been woefully lax lately.  hard to get dressed/out when it’s so cold, but it’s more the why-bother-i-have-no-goal sort of thing.  got one yesterday though, when i realized (thanks to my bank acct dipping even further) that i got into the nyc half marathon on mar 21.  looking fwd to it muchly, as it’s a route that is far more interesting than circling central park, which i’ve gotten sick of.  it’s one lap there, then down thru times square and the rest of mid/downtown, into Battery park.  so i have some motivation, hoping it’s enough.  my body misses it, much like i missed my period when i was nursing fynn.  it’s emotionally cleansing, and i need a lot of that right now. 

house is blissfully quiet, going to go try on some clothes i was sent and see what to keep.  i think music is in order.